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02 September 2014 @ 06:50 am
Kitty Kitty Bang Bang  
Title: Kitty Kitty Bang Bang
Pairing(s): Minseok/Luhan, Baekhyun/Chen
Rating: PG13
Summary: Luhan is one restraining order away from getting the man of his dreams
Warning(s): unbetad, flopping luhan and a lot of crap

“No.” Luhan shakes his head. “No, I will not.”

“Come on, Lu-ge! I promise you’ll like it.”

Luhan makes an unattractive face while looking at the businesscard in his hand, “Kitty Kitty Bang Bang? The name alone is enough to make me barf.” He throws the card back at Sehun and feels slight disappointment when the card just bounces of his chest instead of making a permanent dent in his annoying face.

“Plea-se. Don’t pretend that you’ve never fantasized about doing the nasty with some cute catboy,” Sehun dismisses Luhan’s sounds of denial with a facial expression that shows he pities his entire existence.

“Besides,” he continues while picking up a discarded Rubik’s cube on Luhan’s desk, “when was the last time that you’ve had some? All those blue balls can’t be good for your health.” Sehun stops playing long enough to give him a pointed look.

He puts the toy back on the desk and peers closer at his face. To Luhan’s neverending misery Sehun’s opens his mouth and blabbers on. “That is a really unattractive face, Lu-ge. Are you sure you’re alright?”

It takes all of Luhan’s willpower to not strangle his intern right there on the spot and the only thing that saves him from a swift demise is the fact that Luhan really can’t stand the sight of blood and that he’s afraid Sehun will soil his precious Persian rug. The brat would probably bleed all over it just to spite him.

“Se-hun.” Luhan speaks very slowly. “Get out of my office, right now and don’t return until you have those figures I’ve asked for an hour ago.”

“There’s more to life than graphics and spreadsheets, you know? Like adorable catboys with big panda eyes and - “

“Did someone say catboys?”

Great, Luhan thinks. Another peasant to join his circle of hell. He massages his temple and throws the newcomer an annoyed look. “What are you doing here, Baekhyun? Didn’t you have a meeting?”

“Kyungsoo is a big boy. He doesn’t need me to hold his hand.” Baekhyun saunters into his office like he owns it and Luhan wants to cry. Or scream. Or at the very least, throw something at Baekhyun’s face to make him stop smiling like that.

“Well I don’t need your hand either so you can crawl back to where you came from and please, take the trash with you on the way out.” Luhan ignores Sehun’s indignant yelp and focuses back on his work. Unfortunately for Luhan, his manly face and firm voice does not deter Baekhyun.

“Soooo. Catboys. Someone’s got game?” Baekhyun asks with a shit-eating grin and wriggles his eyebrows suggestively at them in a way that Luhan wants to set them on fire.

“No one’s got game, Baek. But you will if you don’t get out now.” Luhan grinds out between clenched teeth. Silently, he goes through their company’s work policy to see if there is an amendment about firing idiots.

“Hoho! Does the Lady protest too much? Is our precious deer in some need of TLC? Preferably with a feisty catboy?” Baekhyun cackles loudly and sets himself down on luhan’s desk , picking up the Rubik’s cube. “Who massacred this one?” He pokes his tongue out, a tell-tale sign of deep concentration and tries to solve the puzzle.

Sehun makes his standard affronted face which in reality only looks like he is constipated and pushes Baekhyun of the desk. “Please, don’t over exercise your brain. It will probably hurt and then you’ll end up like Luhan and his blue balls.”

That’s it, Luhan thinks. Time to bring out the Roar. “WILL YOU BOTH JUST GE-”

“Is this a bad time?”

A bewildered looking Joonmeyon is standing in the open doorway with his hair slightly disheveled and blushing cheeks. Probably the aftermath from a meeting with Kyungsoo, Luhan thinks and he finds his anger melting away just as quickly as the fading smug look on Baekhyun’s face.

“Joonmeyon!” Luhan chirps happily. “Come in, the garbage was just leaving!”

Joonmyun chuckles and enters the office. “Actually, I was looking for Baekhyun. I need his rapport on the sales figures of the first quarter.”

Luhan grins even wider. This will be fun, he thinks. Odds are, Baekhyun will not be finished with that rapport by far and it’s alway entertaining to see him getting scolded by their senior manager.

“Funny, you should ask about that. You see, I was just about to -”

Joonmeyon pinches the bridge of his nose in a well rehearsed manner. He sighs deeply before he cuts off Baekhyun, “If I don’t have that rapport on my desk within the next 2 hours then I’ll transfer you to Kyungsoo’s department. He just told me that he needs a new assistant after his previous one called in with indefinite sick-leave because of anxiety issues.”

At the mention of Kyungsoo Baekhyun leaps up and starts power walking out of the office while frantically making gestures and dying whale noises. “Yes! I’m on it. I’m so on it. I’m actually on top of it. Top of my game. I am top. So topping that rapport. I’d top anything for you Joonmeyon!”

Luhan leans a bit sideways to enjoy the walk of shame until he can’t watch Baekhyun any longer before he straightens up again and shoots Joonmeyon a grateful smile. “Thanks, Joonmeyon. You really are the guardian of this company.”

“Well, don’t get used to it. The way you all act and behave will lead to a my untimely death. I found a grey hair this morning. Grey. Anyway,” Joonmeyon looks at Sehun, “What are you doing here? I thought you needed to make copies of all our meeting reports from last year. Don’t tell me you’ve actually done it.”

Sehun shrugs, “I’m done.”

Luhan quirks an eyebrow, “You are done?” Slight disbelief colors his voice and he notices that Joonmeyon is not looking very convinced either.

“Please, hyungs.” Sehun makes that face where he he looks not impressed by curling his lip. “Why the surprise. I am hurt.”

“Impossible as you don’t have a heart.

Sehun grasps his chest while one of his eyebrows twitches in mock-hurt. “Ouch! Straight through my heart.” He picks up the Kitty Kitty Bang Bang card up from the ground. “But nevermind my heart, the important issue at hand is, when do we eat?”

“Sehun!” Joonmeyon sounds genuinely perplexed. “It’s just ten o’clock in the morning. How can you be thinking of food again?” The intern tries to look bashful but Luhan’s chuckling cuts off any excuse he could come up with. “You know how love is an open door, well for our Sehun here food is an open mouth.” This time it’s Sehun who throws the card and while he aims for Luhan’s snickering face it twirls lightly to the ground and comes to a full stop on top of Joonmeyon’s shiny Battistoni shoes.

Their senior manager quickly picks up the card while giving his shoes a loving pet. They’re italian and make him feel daring and suave. He likes to think that it adds a little bit of James Bond finesse to complete his look and has wiped all sassy remarks made by Baekhyun under the rug of jealousy. Joonmeyon is so engrossed in giving his shoes loving looks that he hardly spares the card a glance but just when he drops the card on Luhan’s desk a word catches his attention and his face flushes bright red.

“Kitty - hm, what bang, that is to, yes.” Joonmeyon struggles with his words, his eyes still fixated on the card in his trembling hand. Joonmeyon, now beet red, puts the card back without looking at either Luhan or Sehun and finding the pattern of the rug very interesting suddenly.
“So.” He coughs, awkwardness written all over his face. “So. Food. Sehun is hungry, you should really try to take more care of your interns, Luhan.”

“Wait a minute! Are you - are you blushing now?” Luhan excitedly claps his hand together and bends closer to Joonmeyon to focus on his face.

“Of course not! It is just a-h, very warm in here. Yes, that’s it. Now, if you will excuse me, I still have work to do.” Giving a curt nod to the both of them, Joonmeyon power walks out of the office without waiting for a reply.

Silence fills the office but the gears are working overtime in Luhan’s head and he puts his hands together to underline his thinking pose. Sehun just thinks he looks like the villain in a B-movie but he wisely doesn’t share that opinion.

“So,” Luhan begins his fingers slowly tapping against each other. “That was interesting. Our senior manager. Who would’ve thought?”

“Thought what?”

Luhan gives Sehun a pitying look. “This is why you are an intern but luckily I’m smart enough for the both of us. Dear Joonmeyon is hiding something for us and it seems that our church oppa is familiar with this Kitty club.” There’s a mystery here and Luhan starts to feel excited by the idea of unraveling it. He wonders if he still has his binoculars and makes a mental note to search for them when he gets home.

“So,” he turns to Sehun with twinkling eyes. “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”

For Sehun who has been feeling rather peckish the last ten minutes, the struggle is hard. He had been thinking what today’s lunch would be in their canteen but Chicken Delight (his guess) never brings a twinkle to Luhan’s eyes. Still, he makes the effort and voices carefully, “Food?”

This time, Luhan throws an eraser at him and though the eraser also fails to put a dent in Sehun’s face at least he gets satisfaction with the way his intern cries out in pain when it almost pokes an eye out.

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

Operation Follow Joonmeyon to Kitty Kitty Bang Bang and Find Out What He’s Hiding, shortly abbreviated to operation FAIL by Kyungsoo has officially started and already Luhan is close to tears. Man tears because Luhan is very manly but tears nonetheless. Originally meant to be a small, low-profile group (consisting of Luhan and Sehun) visiting the club has changed into a dressed-in-camouflage-party (because going undercover) with the now added members of Baekhyun and Kyungsoo (who also declared himself as leader of the operation).

The leader is surveying the troops with a very unimpressed look. Kyungsoo is wearing all black, of course, because everyone knows black is just the color for high-class espionage. He’ll never admit it out loud but he also secretly likes how the color makes hiss ass look great. Back to the troops and as was to be expected Baekhyun is problematic.

“Baekhyun.” Sigh. “Really?”

“Hey! Don’t hate on my fashion sense. Just because I know other colors beside black.” Baekhyun gives him an affronted look while lovingly petting his all camouflage ensemble. How he even managed to find an entire suit, shirt and tie in camouflage print is beyond Kyungsoo but he’s sure somewhere, some military unit is wondering why parts of their tent are missing.

“Where did you even find that hideous thing?”

“A smart man never reveals his sources.” Baekhyun puffs his chest out while he struts through Luhan’s living room.

Sehun, all long limbs and sleek legs sprawled out on the couch, snorts without looking up from his phone. “In other words, your mom made that. What was it for? Halloween in 10th grade?”

Luhan laughs loudly, derp face at the maximum, and thinks his intern might have some merits after all but his smile quickly fades when he notices Kyungsoo’s sharp gaze at him. He looks down at his own outfit and self consciously straightens his shirt.

“You are not one to laugh, deer-man.”

“What!” Luhan cries out. “I’m the epitome of the fashionable young master.”

Kyungsoo is not impressed. “Dressing yourself from head to toe in designer clothes does not mean you have sensible taste, hyung. And for the love of all that is good and tasteful, lose that beanie. We are going to a club not go skating in the park. How old are you again?”

“Excuse me? This is from the spring collection The Elder Statesman.”

“Every more reason to burn it. Look.” Kyungsoo pinches his nose and everyone in the room recognises the first sign of DO.om. “We are not having a stake-out in the wilderness.” Pointed look at Baekhyun. “And we are not going to a frat party either. Besides, what kind of student dresses in Givenchy.”

“It’s not GIvenchy this is classic Rick Ow - “ Luhan’s cry of protest gets the cut direct from Kyungsoo who stalks to his bedroom and returns with another outfit.

Kyungsoo throws him the clothes. “Here wear this.”

Luhan throws back a defiant look and a pouty lip at Baekhyun. “Why doesn’t he have to change?”

“He is beyond salvation and your clothes will be too big on him anyway.”

Sehun gives Baekhyun a comforting pat at his indignant cries that he has been working out and that he at least didn’t need any shoulder pad fillings. Kyungsoo snorts and dryly comments “Also, it will be fun to see people mistake him for a walking pot plant.”

“Now focus, people.” he continues with a devious glint in his eyes. “We have a senior to catch. Operation Fail kicks off.”

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

Whatever it was that Luhan had expected the Kitty Kitty Bang Bang Club to look like, this was not it. For starters, there are no tassels. There aren’t any curtains either so that explains a lack of tassels but it comes as a disappointment for Luhan as he had imagined velvety drapes in a burgundy color. Luhan’s mind is in distress when they walk into a penthouse that feels oddly homely despite the luxurious decorations and glass made wand that gives out to a breathtaking view over the city. No chandeliers, no half-naked catboys wearing venetian masks and a severe lack of glitter and feathers: Luhan is nothing but a well dressed cliché.

“Are you sure we are at the right place?” He asks for the upteenth time at an exasperated Sehun.

“Yes, this is the Kitty Club and no, we are not breaking in. Try to hide your disappointment that this looks nothing like the seedy stripclub your imagination undoubtedly made up.”

“I wasn’t! Oh Sehun, I am a pure man and I’m just surprised that this place isn’t more - you know?” Luhan makes vague hand motions that looks like he’s milking a goat. Kyungsoo takes one look and discretely slinks away before someone might suspect that they are here together and he gets derp-zoned by association.

Luhan is still milking a not cooperating goat when a deep voice behind him suggests, “More like a pornbar full with scantily clad toyboys?”

“Yes!” A grateful Luhan cries out and he turns around to greet his saviour only to walk into a solid wall. Confused he looks up and sees that the wall is actually a chest, a chest belonging to a tall man. A very tall man with a scowl and a pornstache. Luhan squeaks in surprise but covers it up quickly with a cough because a manly man does not admit defeat. Not even in front of a moustache sporting giant with hands the size of his blender at home. However, he does take a step back until he stands behind Baekhyun.

“Good evening, Kris.” Baekhyun greets rather chipper. “This is Luhan. He is, ah- special in that sense that he is in constant denial of his inner girl.” Baekhyun lets out a fake worried sigh while clasping Luhan’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, hyung we will make a beautiful woman out of you. Find your inner butterfly and all that.”

The look on Luhan’s face is priceless and Sehun has to give credits to Baekhyun for riling him up so fast. Luhan’s face is an interesting mixture of ugly indignation over this underhanded attack on his virility and a desperate attempt at forced politeness in the presence of strangers. It’s a losing battle and even Kris can’t hide a smile

“Welcome Luhan. I’m Kris and the owner of this gentleman’s club.” Pause. “I apologise for the lack of strippers and,” the giant hands make a monstrous imitation of Luhan’s goat milking, “Whatever that was.”

Luhan flushes red in embarrassment while he makes a polite bow. “My apologies, sir. It was not my intention to imply any ah- shortcomings.”

Kris flashes a grin, his teeth glistening under his moustache and Luhan feels positively intimidated now. “Don’t worry, no shortcomings of mine were harmed.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just the first time that I’ve been to a catboys club. I guess, I wasn’t sure what to expect?”

“Let me tell you about the club then. Basically, we provide a safe environment for catboys. Here they are always offered a warm place to stay and food for hungry bellies. In short, it’s a home.”

That explains the warm and cosy feel, Luhan thinks but he’s feels completely perplexed about the other aspects of the club. “Ah! But then how about … “ he trails of, not knowing how to ask if Kris is a pimp without literally having to phrase it like that.

“How about the club and this bordello like set-up? “ Luhan nods, relieved Kris did not take offense, still being a bit wary about a man who has hands that could flatten him like Joonmeyon’s ass.

“Sadly, we need a steady source of income to pay for this freedom and the catboys are conscious about their appeal to certain people. The club operates on a membership fee which allows members into this penthouse. We offer first-class food and drink, entertainment and the company of catboys.”

Kris sounds slightly weary now, his eyes hard and unforgiving. “It’s a less bad form of exploitation but I make sure everything that happens is consensual. There is no master here and I just give them the opportunity to be independant. It might not seem much to you but freedom has always been your birthright. They can make their own choices here, cut out their own path through life.”It’s clear that it is a topic close to his heart as he makes himself stand even taller, the points of his moustache thrilling in cold outrage but Sehun has to admit that the man knows how to make a passionate case.

“Most catboys still live under questionable conditions. The Garfield Bill made some changes for the better but we are still a far cry from equality.” Sehun adds uncharacteristically serious.

“Oh. I really wasn’t aware. I didn’t - “ Luhan wonders where he had been when all this happened. Probably in his men cave watching Manchest United, he thinks and feels slightly appealed by his own failing as a decent human being.

Kris gives him an assuring smile. “Most aren’t. Sometimes it feels like fighting a losing battle but I’m not giving up on my cause to raise awareness about catboys everywhere.” Baekhyun, who had been playing candy crush on his phone, suddenly butts in with playful eyes. “Sounds like you could use the services of a brilliant legal counselor.”

“Are you offering?”

“Nope, but I know just the man for you. Maybe you have heard of him, his name is Kim Joonmeyon.”

Great, Luhan thinks, so much for subtlety but he also stares expectantly at Kris, curious about his reaction.

“Kim Joonmeyon?” An eyebrow disappears in Kris’ hairline “Never heard of him”

Luhan and Baekhyun share a disappointed look but then Kris flashes his signature shark smile and even Sehun high-fives them because the game is on.

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

“Have you seen Kyungsoo?”

Sehun, in the process of taking on the responsibility to single handedly wolf down the entire hors-d’oeuvres buffet, looks up to an oddly subdued Baekhyun.

“Don’t you look like the real sour puss of the party.”

Baekhyun huffs before stealing an appetizer. “I’m bored. Chanyeol is not here so I have no one to play with.”

“Other catboys?”

“Not interested.”

“New catboys?”

“Please, like I will waste my precious time and experience on some quivering newbie.” Baekhyun gives him his patented diva look over a shrimp. “I, unlike you, have standards.”

Sehun raises an eyebrow and is about to question his dubious standards when he spots someone behind Baekhyun and his face lights up in happiness. He barrels past Baekhyun and throws his arms around a petite male. “Hyung!”

Hyung? Baekhyun blinks in surprise, since when does Sehun call anyone hyung? The intern was notorious for his blatant disrespect by calling no one hyung. He is sure it had given Luhan two grey hairs already. Curiously, he looks at who has managed to let Sehun behave politely but Sehun’s body is still shielding most of the smaller man and Baekhyun is nothing but impatient.

“Yah, Oh Sehun! Didn’t your mother ever taught you that it is not polite to ignore me?” He taps his feet in annoyance but stops when he hears a clear, melodic laugh. Sehun finally lets go and pulls the man forward to introduce him.

“Baekhyun -”

Hyung.” Baekhyun clips.

“- this is Jongdae-hyung. Don’t let his nice appearance fool you, he’s an idiot.”

Jongdae lets out another cheerful chuckle and a tail flicks out to smack Sehun’s butt good naturedly. “Yah! Sehunnie! Be nice and don’t tell nonsense. Or I won’t help you anymore.”

“Hyung! You know I like you the most!”

Baekhyun feels mindfucked. Oh Sehun is using aegyo. Oh Sehun, their intern from hell is using aegyo to a petite catboy that, granted looks like the main appetizer of the house but could still fit in the back of his jeans. What is this alternate reality? He is still trying to grasp the concept of a cute intern that he doesn’t notice a pair of curious eyes on him. It’s only when he hears the familiar chuckle of far-too-amused Sehun that he looks up.

Kitten smile, sculpted cheekbones, long eyelashes and a pair of black ears who are wiggling mischievously. Baekhyun might faint of the cuteness overload and for the first time this evening, he regrets wearing a camouflage suit.

“Hello. I’m Baekhyun.”

“Nice to meet you, Baekhyun and don’t mind Sehun. He’s the brat we all love to hate.” Jongdae smiles up at Sehun, eyes crinkling at the corners and a swarm of butterflies releases itself in Baekhyun’s tummy.

"He does makes excellent coffee," Baekhyun remarks. “I guess, he’s not without merit. One time I was one peg short and I called him to my office so I could hang my coat on him."

Jongdae throws him a curious, calculating look and smiles appreciatively before turning his attention to a petulant Sehun. "I told you your talents would show themselves eventually."

"I'm ignoring you both, you know."

Baekhyun pretends to be surprised. "You mean there is a difference with how you normally act?"

"I think it's in the way his lips curl? Or maybe it's a different frown?" Jongdae plays along, his tail swishing happily.

"Hyung!" Sehun whines. "You are supposed to be on my team."

"You did call me an idiot just now."

"I said that with all the love in the world."

"Wonderful and I'm just returning the favor." Jongdae offers an angelic smile and Sehun recognises defeat in the form of a little shit with a cute ass. "Fine," he barks, "I will just remove myself from present company and search for a more accepting crowd."

"You mean the buffet, right?"

"Maybe," Sehun concedes and he goes back to hunt for snacks after giving them both the stink eye.

“I like your suit.” Jongdae suddenly says and Baekhyun suspicious looks at him to detect any hidden sarcasm but he only sees genuity and a face that screams sex.

“Ah, thank you. I’m glad to meet someone who recognises quality when they see it.”

“Hmm.” Jongdae comments agreeable. “You know what I like about it?”

“The print?”

“No.” Jongdae beams, his ears twitching cutely. “I like what is in the suit.”

For a moment Baekhyun is sure his mind is deceiving him because of the casual way the catboy had spoken, like he was just commenting about the weather but then he sees Jongdae's intense stare and his dick springs into action.

"Not an amateur I see," he says self-satisfied. "A connoisseur with an excellent eye for quality."

Jongdae laughs out loud before agreeing. "I like my meat well done." His tail lashes out and winds itself around Baekhyun's wrist to pull him closer until their noses almost touch. Baekhyun always had a preference for tall guys but he finds that there is much to say for being the same height as he can now look directly into Jongdae's eyes and the passion hidden behind those ridiculously long eyelashes makes his toes curl.

"Well then," Baekhyun whispers. "Now what?"

"Now I will show you my room," Jongdae's low voice rumbles, the sound travelling directly to his dick. "And you can show me how good you look out of this suit." Jongdae whispers into his skin and gives Baekhyun’s earlobe a playful nip, purring amusedly when he hears the other moan shamelessly.

"I have to say my goodbyes first." Baekhyun answers a little breathlessly.

Jongdae tsks impatiently, his tail now wrapped possessively around Baekhyun's waist and takes one of Baekhyun's arm to wave. "Say goodbye to the room now."

"Goodbye room,” he waves and links his hand with Jongdae's to let himself be dragged out of the room.

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

Luhan hates to admit it but he’s rather enjoying himself. The club is comfortable and cozy, the food is excellent and, he begrudgingly agrees, the decorations are tasteful enough that it creates the right setting for the prada suit he’s wearing. He makes a mental note to inform about a permanent membership card later while he’s sipping his drink when it happens.

A creature, so divine, so delicate that Luhan hears angel’s weeping. The beautiful slope of his nose, the sinfully shaped lips, the haughty set of almond eyes and the golden shine of his cat ears: he is completely enthralled. Feelings of love and want overwhelm him and he needs a moment to collect himself.

He picks up another glass of champagne, cautiously approaching this exquisite beauty who is gracefully napping on a soft persian rug. Luhan takes another moment to deeply appreciate the curve of his hipbone and how the lithe body is all tantalizing lines and smooth limbs. The catboy suddenly turns and stretches languidly before nestling himself comfortably spread out on the carpet, like fruit ripe for the picking by Luhan's dick.

“Hello angel," Luhan tries in his smoothest voice. "Let me congratulate you with your face for it is beyond beautiful." He adds in a wink to show his sincerity.

The catboy turns his head and blinks his big eyes while cocking his head sideways. Luhan almost squeals out loud before he remembers that he's not a girl.

“I've brought you some champagne because you looked a thirsty.”

The catboy keeps looking at Luhan, completely ignoring the offered drink. Luhan starts to fidget because the boy doesn't show any sign of wanting to take the drink, instead he blinks again before lowering his head again to softly murmur, “I don’t like champagne.”

This little setback does not deter Luhan who just grins and asks, “Oh! Do you want anything else then? Some wine or milk? Maybe a snack, no?” He is slowly getting desperate as the boy keeps ignoring him but he steadfastly soldiers on. “You want something to play with? A ball of yarn, a laser pointer, my dick?”

The boy slowly lifts his head, blinking at Luhan with sheer disbelief shining in his large eyes? “Your dick? You offer your dick before giving me your name?”

“There are no boundaries between us angel and names are nothing but the framework of our embodiment of destiny.” Luhan chatters happily and wonders if it would be too bold to ask for a selca already. He’s about to whip out his iphone when he sees the boy get up in a series of elegant movements that leaves Luhan breathless for a moment before he calmly strutts away from him.

“Wait! Don’t go! My name is Luhan.” He runs in a slight jog after the catboy. “Where are we going? Are we going to your room? We are, aren’t we. I like that sexy confidence in my my man.”

The boy stops and holds up a hand to put an end to Luhan’s endless chatter. “Luhan?”

“Yes, my love.”

“Thank you for this display of affection but please do me a favor and never speak of it again.” He gives Luhan a curt nod and starts walking again.
“Wait, you didn’t even tell me your name!” Luhan cries after him.

The catboy looks over his shoulder, his large eyes showing slight annoyance. “It’s Minseok but please never speak to me again too.” He doesn’t wait for a reply and strolls away unaware he’s talking Luhan’s heart with him.

Just then Kyungsoo passes him and looks questioningly at Luhan who is still standing rooted on his spot.

“Luhan? What are you doing?”




Just as Kyungsoo considers calling Baekhyun, Luhan jumps up and throws himself on him. “SOOOOO BABY!”

“Do you have a deathwish?” Kyungsoo grinds out between clenched teeth.

Luhan laughs happily and lets go of Kyungsoo only to squish his face between his hands while making kissy faces at him. “I have found him, Kyungsoo. The love of my life. The end to my needs. The lid to my pot and the dick to my hole!”

“Shameless,” Kyungsoo judges but he smiles nonetheless. “So, where is he? Knowing you, I’m surprised you haven’t handcuffed him to your bed yet.”

“Right,” Luhan’s maniacal grin disappears and he ruffles his hair abashedly. “There’s just one small problem.”

“He likes big dicks?”

“He doesn’t feel the same.”


“He doesn’t feel the same. YET! Stop laughing Kyungsoo and what are you texting? It is just a matter of time until he’s’ mine.”

“Stop laughing! And you suck Kyungsoo, Sehun just texted me ‘loser’ with a judging emoji.”

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

Luhan is ready to die another day. This time he will not fail in getting Minseok’s attention. He is styled impeccable, has bought a beautiful bouquet of roses and he’s wearing his lucky shoes. When he enters the club he spots him immediately and he thinks it’s another sign of the universe agreeing with the fated meeting of their dicks.

“Minseok! Looking beautiful as always.” Luhan croons sweetly. “These are for you.” He presents him the flowers, a hopeful smile on his face.

“Luhan.” Minseok greets and after a quick look at the bouquet says coolly, “I’m allergic to roses.” He stands up and leaves once again a wilted Luhan behind.

It’s a familiar pattern by now so Luhan really does not understand why he feels surprised. It has been this way for a week now. Luhan will come by the club bearing gifs and cheesy pick-up lines and Minseok will disregard his gifts and walk away.

He didn’t like the chocolates because he only eats pure chocolates. The cute stuffed animal got met with an incredulous look and the question why he was mistaken for a fourteen year old girl. Apparently Minseok only wears silver so the golden bracelet was kindly returned and Luhan got a scratch to his face when he bought two tickets for the musical Cats. Sehun asked him how many times he was dropped a as a baby when he heard.

Luhan looks at the roses in his hand and tosses them away dejectedly. Deciding that his ego got enough of a bruising for today, he finds his way to the bar with the intent to drink his feelings away.

"Minseok likes simple things." An unfamiliar man says as form of greeting while sitting next to Luhan at the bar.

"I'm Yixing." He introduces himself with a dimple and Luhan is smitten, already liking this kind man with the laid-back attitude and gorgeous collarbones that are visible courtesy of the wifebeater he’s wearing. Thank god for small blessings.

"Hello, I'm Luhan."

Dimples chuckles. "Oh, I know. I don't think there is anyone in this club who doesn't know you and while we were a bit sceptic at first, we are now 100% rooting for you."

"You are?"

"Hmm. You seem to genuinely like our Minseok, so we've decided to help you out." Yixing offers him another kind smile.

"Who's we?" Luhan asks bewildered.

"Tskk." Yixing wags a finger making Luhan look cross-eyed. "Simple things. Think simple. Be simple. Embrace it." The finger now pokes Luhan's chest. "Don’t be. Just do." And with one last encouraging nod he slinks away again in the mass of people.

“Just do, huh?” Luhan drinks the rest of his soju in one go and straightens his tie before standing up and embrace the simpleness that is his want, offering himself to Minseok. He searches through the crowd and finally spots him in a quiet corner having a chummy conversation with Kyungsoo. He ignores the sudden spike of jealousy and sits himself between them on the couch.

“Kyungsoo.” Luhan greets coldly. Yup, good job on ignoring the jealousy. He turns his back completely to him and reaches out a hand to lovingly pet Minseok’s soft ears. “Hello, my love. How are you today?”

“Alright until you interrupted my conversation with Kyungsoo.”

Luhan waves his hand dismissively. “No, don’t pay attention to him. Let’s talk. Man to man” He presses himself closer to Minseok, ignoring the huffs of Kyungsoo behind him. In Luhan’s defence, the low-cut t-shirt Minseok is wearing should be considered illegal as it shows him tantalizing peeks of his collarbones which explains why he misses the irritation on the catboy’s face. His hands are itching again to take a selca but Luhan still has a scratch on his left arm from the last time he tried to snap one . So he just consoles himself with trying to get a sniff of his cologne.

“We were discussing something rather important so I’d -” Luhan cuts him off mid-sentence with a finger to his lips.

“Shhh, pretty. I’m all for exploring our boundaries but let’s focus on us first before we try out threesomes.” Luhan is looking all too pleased with himself wondering why Kyungsoo is making sounds of a wounded bear behind his back.

“He was explaining me the application procedure for admission to Korean School of Arts but now I will just look it up online.” Minseok’s voice is cold as ice and cuts through Luhan self-induced collarbone haze. He stands up brusquely, nearly making Luhan fall of the couch.

Minseok bows to Kyungsoo. “I’m sorry Kyungsoo maybe we can finish our talk another time.” He stalks off without sparing Luhan another glance and once again, Luhan wonders where he went wrong. He’s put out of his reverie by Kyungsoo’s slowclap.

“Pathetic.” Kyungsoo says judgmentally. “Did you wake up today and decided your standard flopping was not enough? That the added dumb was the way to get into his pants?”

Luhan broods and sulks, jutting out his lip in denial.

“Why do you keep going after him? He clearly is not interested in you. Have some pride.” Pause. “And balls.”

Luhan gives him an honest look. “I just feel it in my heart, Soo. It only beats for him now.”

“Do you even know him?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you know that he likes to get into K-ARTS to get an education? Do you know that he dreams of becoming an arts teacher for little catboys? Do you even see a real person behind the hot body and pretty face, hyung?”

Luhan has the good grace to look slightly ashamed. “I - I wasn’t, I mean - you are right.” He groans and drags a hand over his face. “I do realise and I want to know him but sadly every time I try to talk to him my dick takes over.”

“So, you think he’s worth it then?”

Luhan doesn’t hesitate for a second. “Yes, and you know? Me having to fight for him makes me like him even more because there’s no glory in sacrifice unless you fight in the shade!”

Kyungsoo does not look impressed. “Wow, you read that in a bathroom stall?”

“No, 300 movie.”

“Well then, give nothing and take everything.” Kyungsoo gives him an encouraging fighting! fist-bump and Luhan feels oddly consoled.

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

After an inner cleansing of the soul and a sensible talk with his dick, Luhan feels a new man ready to approach the love of his life in a more courting manner. He needs to make a gesture that says 'I want your body for more than the great sex it can give me', something that will warm Minseok's heart in the way Luhan wants to warm his bed.

He remembers the talk with Kyungsoo and how he told him that Minseok has in interest in arts and that gives him an inspired idea.

He’s early in the club today because he hopes to speak with Minseok privately before it gets too crowded. The small gift in golden wrapping paper in the exact shade of the catboy’s ears feels heavy in his pocket and Luhan keeps clenching and unclenching it in his hand.

Luhan feels a sudden awareness, a heightening of his feels which alerts him of the nearby presence of Minseok. His vision catches some gold movement in his right corner when he finally spots him, he’s dancing and Luhan wants to cry. His moves are all sharp and smooth but the way he thrusts his hips should be for his eyes only and Luhan needs to suppress his inner caveman and not haul him over his shoulder to take him home.

He is actually doing a decent job controlling his urges when a sudden illegal bodyroll snaps the last restraint of his sanity. Luhan dashes to the dancefloor and almost steamrolls Jongdae and Baekhyun in his haste to get to Minseok.

“You!” He growls at a startled Minseok. “You need to come with me.” He makes a grab for his wrist but Minseok sidesteps him and gives him a cold look. “I’m having fun dancing.”

“Dance with me then.” Luhan says.


Something slowly breaks inside of Luhan and his chest constricts painfully. He doesn’t understand it, the evening is not going as planned and he feels his self-control slipping away. He wants to claw at it and force it back in but he feels nothing solid to hold on too and a cold sense of panic settles in.

“Please, Minseok.” He’s begging now, his face showing something wild and desperate as he tries to grab Minseok again. “I just want to talk to you.”

“Fine.” Minseok crosses his arms and cocks his head. “I’m listening.”

“Here?!’ Luhan squeaks uncomfortably. Minseok seems to consider this and grabs Luhan’s hand to shuffle to a more quiet corner where he immediately lets go of his hand to cross his arms again, waiting expectantly.

Luhan scratches the back of his head, feeling shy all of a sudden and more than a bit distracted with the way Minseok’s pectorals moved under that tight shirt. “I,” he begins tentatively, “I guess I wanted to apologise to you. I never realised that you might misunderstand my intentions so I prepared a gift for you.” He finds the small present in his pocket and timidly gives it to Minseok.

The catboy stares at the gift for a long time before finally reaching out and accept it. “What is it?” he asks.

“Just a little something but I hope it will convince you of my honest feelings.” Relief and happiness over the acceptance of his gift makes Luhan glow radiantly in a way that it’s hard for Minseok to look away.

“Please take it and think about it. About me and us.” Luhan’s voice is tender and he carefully reaches out a hand to stroke his face. Encouraged by the fact that Minseok has not pushed him away yet, he slowly, very slowly puts their foreheads together and whispers affectionately, “I’ll be waiting for you, my love.” He presses a soft kiss to his cheek and lets him go before turning around to walk away.

Minseok looks at his retreating back and wonders if this is how Luhan has felt everytime he had walked away and begrudgingly admires the man for his diligence and confidence.

Jongdae, curious as ever, comes bouncing over with a complete disregard of Minseok’s personal space. “Hyung! What did he say? What did he gave you? If it’s chocolates again, can I have them please?” Impatiently, Jongdae’s tail lashes out to probe the present, trying to get a hint of the content. Minseok slaps his tail away. “Don’t touch it. It’s mine.”

“Well, open it then! Go on” A new voice pops up behind them. Of course, Baekhyun. He should’ve guessed it. They sidle up to him, pressing themselves close on both sides of him while looking over his shoulder. Minseok carefully removes the paper and his breath hitches when he sees what’s inside.

“An eraser? I don’t understand it.” Baekhyun sounds confused.

“I do.” Jongdae says seriously. “That is some gift, hyung. What are you going to do?”

Minseok is frozen. He doesn’t know how to feel, he was so sure that he got Luhan figured out. Luhan, spoilt with looks and money, what does he know about real life? What could they possibly have in common? But this gift shows an unexpected kindness and empathy and the fact that he is so touched shakes him up. Minseok feels suffocated and he runs out of the room to get some fresh air.

He pushes himself through the crowd, ignoring the worried cries from Jongdae and his other friend but he needs to get out of the room so he keeps running until he’s out on the rooftop where he finally breath again. There hidden by the dark shadows Minseok feels sad and silently cries over his life and its many hardships and over missed chances and opportunities.

“I figured I would find you here.” A voice speaks up from behind and two arms wrap themselves tight around his waist while Jongdae’ familiar scent fills his nose. Their tails entwine and the familiarity of home calms him down.

“I’m scared, Jongdae,” he confesses, feeling more brave in the dark. “He scares me. What if he’s genuine and he really means all of this?”

“Then you take a chance, hyung.”

Minseok chuckles. “I’m not like you, Dae. I wish I could be as fearless as you.” He turns around and puts his head on Jongdae’s shoulder, purring in contentment when his ears are getting petted just as he likes it.

“I’m scared too, hyung, I am just better at hiding it and now I have Baekhyun and loving him makes me feel like I can fly,” Jongdae confides to Minseok, a doting smile evident in his voice. “Maybe you just need to find the right person that will make you fearless.”

“Maybe,” Minseok agrees and revels in the warmth of the hug he’s enveloped in.

There peaceful moment gets interrupted by a loudly puffing Baekhyun. “I knew it. I knew you wanted to get your greedy hands on my Jongdae but -” Wheezing noises. “ - know that I will fight you!” Pause. “After I have catched my breath.” Coughing “But then, come at me bro.”

They both look at Baekhyun, take in his disheveled state combined with the redness of his face and burst out laughing. Jongdae skips over to take him in his arms while peppering his face with featherlight kisses and low murmurs about how cute his knight in rusty armor is. Baekhyun kicks him in the shin for verbal abuse but Minseok notices how he leans more into the kisses.

“I still don’t get it though.” Baekhyun whines a second later. “Why an eraser?”

“It’s symbolic for offering to erase the past and start over but it also stands for my dream of getting an arts education and how he would not deny my own dreams.”

“Wow,” Baekhyun seems impressed. “I can’t believe Luhan can be so romantic,” he looks at Minseok, “but hyung, believe me. I have never seen him work so hard which makes me believe that he genuinely cares for you.”

Minseok watches Jongdae who is snuggled comfortably in Baekhyun’s arms, his tail twisted around one of his legs and they are so entangled in each other that they look practically one but then again, he muses, isn’t that what love is all about?

As if he can read his thoughts, Jongdae gives him a significant look,“Time to fly, hyung.”

(=^・ェ・^=) ♥ (=^・ェ・^=)

Luhan is sadly staring at his screen, it’s been four days since he has last seen Minseok and the longing is slowly killing him. So his mind is providing him with images of sunsets in the company of hot boys with cute cheeks and other romantic sceneries he has planned.

"How long has he been like this?" a concerned Joonmeyon asks Sehun.

"Since yesterday. I even insulted his watch but the only reaction I got was a tame 'go die in hell, spawn of Satan' and even that missed his usual bite."

"Right. This is worrisome."

"I know. Baekhyun wants to stage an intervention."

"That's hyung to you." Joonmeyon corrects him absentmindedly while nibbling his lower lip. Luhan has yet to acknowledge their presence in his office.

As if summoned, the door slams open and Baekhyun strolls in with an irritated looking Kyungsoo in tow.

"Excellent," Baekhyun says. "We are all here." Luhan still doesn't look up from his screen.

“The show can begin," Baekhyun continues enigmatically while pulling out his cell to make a call. "Hello? Yes. They’re here? Send them up please." He hangs up and looks up to the expectant faces of his coworkers but doesn't elaborate his plan. Instead he sits himself down on a chair with a smile that normally has Joonmeyon running for the hills.

"Well?" Kyungsoo barks, impatience coloring his voice, making it rough around the edges.

"And now, my dear soo. We wait." Baekhyun answers serenely, his hands in his lap in a travesty of virtue. Sehun is convinced that he is one sassy remark away from getting strangled by Kyungsoo when the door opens and two unexpected guests enter.

"Hyung?" Sehun loudly exclaims and finally Luhan emerges from his trip to self-pity land and growls when he sees everyone in his office.

"What the hell are you all doing here?" His gaze lingers or Baekhyun assuming that he is the source of his troubles, which is usually true.

"Dae wanted to visit Baekhyun." A familiar soft voice speaks up. Luhan swivels his chair so fast, he almost falls out and gasps audibly when he sees two cute, well-known catboys at his door.

"Minseok baby?" He whispers hopefully, his voice so sickeningly saccharine that Sehun swears he can hear the stars in his eyes. Luhan quickly stands up and crosses his office to take Minseok's both hands in his.

"You are here!" He exclaims happily. "Did you come to see me?"

"No. I just told you that JD wanted to see his pumpkin lover."

"Oh." Luhan lets go of his hands and takes a step back. He visibly deflates before taking a deep breath and tries to smile. It's a painful rendition of a real smile and everyone in the room cringes at the sight making Jongdae jab Minseok in the ribs while signaling with his head to a pitiful looking Luhan.

Minseok sighs and takes a tentative step into Luhan's direction. "I - I guess I also wanted to check on you." He admits shyly and awkwardly shuffles his feet.

"Check on me?" There is slight hope in Luhan's voice but it's clear that he's still readying himself for another rejection.

The catboy scoffs and Jongdae gives him another exasperated look while gently pushing him closer to Luhan. "You - ah, you didn't come to the club for several days so I - I guess I was worried?" His ears twitch uncomfortably and his tail is swinging back and forth violently.

“I told you I wanted to give you time,” Luhan softly answers. “I don’t want you to feel pressured or give you the feeling that I’m trying to force you.” With each word Luhan had spoken, Minseok had taken a step closer until he could not get any further.

He presses his face into Luhan’s chest and Minseok’s sensitive ears pick up the wild, irregular beating of his heart. The sound soothes him because he never realised that Luhan might be scared too and how he too is just looking for that wind beneath his wings.

He looks up and taps him playfully on the nose. “You are an idiot.”

The office explodes. Joonmeyon looks confused, Sehun and Kyungsoo are ready to recruit Minseok to their inner circle while Baekhyun is just trying to convince Jongdae to a quick make-out session. Luhan on the other hand completely stills. “I am?”

Minseok huffs, “Of course you are. You offer me your dick but never follow through, you practically stalk me and then disappear without a word and then you gave me this.” He opens his hand to show the eraser.

(“An eraser?” - “Don’t worry Joonmeyon, I’ll explain it to you later” - “What a sly move” - “Stop molesting Jongdae, Baekhyun!”)

“I can’t believe you gave me an eraser and then walked away from me.”

“Did you at least check out my ass.”

Minseok taps his nose again accompanied by loud cheering of Baekhyun and Sehun. “I see we are going to set up some rules”

“Rules?” a fearful Luhan asks.

“Rules. I’ve decided that even though you are an idiot, you are at least my idiot.” He stands on his tiptoes and kisses a shocked Luhan full on the mouth. After a second, Luhan returns the kiss and puts his hands on Minseok’s ass, only to get them slapped away by his tail.

Minseok entangles himself from Luhan, “This is going to be a long list with rules I see.”

“Nooo! Angel, let our love gallop free. Don’t nip all this passion in the bud.”

“Right, I have to make a rules about your dumb speech.”

Jongdae, now comfortably sitting on Baekhyun's lap coos at them. "Look at them, aren't they adorable?"

"The cutest," Baekhyun agrees but he's looking at the catboy in his lap and thanks his lucky stars before pulling him closer to affectionately nuzzle his ear.

Luhan suddenly remembers something and runs to Joonmeyon to give him a big hug, “Thank you, senior manager! “

“This really has been such a very confusing day,” Joonmeyon awkwardly pats Luhan on the back. “Be mindful of my shoes, Luhan!”

Luhan lets go but not before energetically shaking his hand, “It’s all thanks to you and operation FAIL that my sexlife will blossom in the near future again!”

“Rules, Luhan!”

“Operation FAIL?” Joonmeyon looks positively scandalised making his caterpillar eyebrows go in overtime.

Kyungsoo, hearing operation FAIL, perks up interested and turns to Joonmeyon, “That’s right, I had almost forgotten. How do you know about Kitty Kitty Bang Bang club?”

“Oh,you guys didn’t know?” pipes up a surprised Jongdae, pointedly ignoring all signals Joonmeyon is making to get him to stop talking.

“He’s banging Kris,” Jongdae reveals with a shit-eating grin.

The office explodes again but this time everyone attacks a mortified Joonmeyon and Minseok makes use of the noise and chaos to take Luhan’s hand and give it a loving squeeze. It’s still overwhelming and scary but the blinding smile he gets in returns makes him feel weightless and ready to tackle everything on their path.

“For the love of God, this is an office Baekhyun. Stop molesting Jongdae in public.”
suziekyunara1214 on September 2nd, 2014 08:05 am (UTC)
this was hilarious and so cute
Loved every bit of it <3

Did I sense a very small hint of taohun? Or did I just imagine that?
dailanche: chen in glassesdailanche on September 2nd, 2014 05:41 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a lovely comment!

Yes, a hint of Taohun. In an ideal world where I have more time and no deadlines, I would have written more. Tao was supposed to be a spoiled catboy who's good in tricking Kris into buying him stuff but also one who's very shy of people.

Hmm, in an ideal world I write this epilogue so we can read their story :)
rainbowfwishrainbowfwish on September 2nd, 2014 08:35 am (UTC)
"The Garfield Bill" oh my god
hi this was awesome any xiuhan is always good xiuhan but maniacal lu is always best xiuhan k bye thanks for this everything <3
dailanchedailanche on September 2nd, 2014 05:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you for reading this and taking your time to leave this nice comment!

And I have now idea how this story came to be but I admit, I had a lot of fun writing flopping Luhan!
charliebnimcharliebnim on September 2nd, 2014 10:14 pm (UTC)
no Baekhyun dont stop omg !! zD lmao at suho tho
aprilclashaprilclash on September 5th, 2014 10:38 pm (UTC)
yay to tsundere minseok and silly lu han. they were so cute. and baekchen. BAEKCHEN. i might be squealing.

but, rly, xiuhan's relationship was the cutest and i'm feeling all giddy and happy ♥
velvetsanddesign_ok on September 11th, 2014 09:01 pm (UTC)
OFFICE AU god bless! \o/
and bordelo sklfskfgd

that tiny bit of a spoiler <33

Baekhyun saunters into his office like he owns it and Luhan wants to cry. Or scream.

Junma finding grey hair lmao oh pls dear I have tons of those, relax
also Italian shoes sdfkdflg;df ah memories ;w;

Baekhyun clad in everything camouflage lol baby pls he is impossible i love it

the first sign of Do.om <- dsklffgjfgd omg

Kyungsoo takes one look and discretely slinks away before someone might suspect that they are here together
my cousin always does this when i try to get some tiny packs of sugar in cafe-s or restaurants lolol

goat milking LOL okay

subtle SeChen and hyung awwwwwww

ofc Jongdae's face screams sex (⌐‿⌐)(⌐‿⌐)(⌐‿⌐)

SDKF:SLFKDS:Ga"FSD all over the place about territorial Jongdae SCREAMING

Luhan is a sooooo of a loser i can't

was kya-ing about feartherlight kisses and murmurs *purrrrssss*

the ending tho loool

okay this was super lovely & cute & funny & OMYGOD THE PUNS ALL OVER THE PLACE & THE WORDING?????
also this precious thing needs to be anime-ed, imagine the drops & -__-" faces & moving tails & ears & all the sounds??? it'll be perfect!
bb ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥